The
Future
The Arts: My Anti-Drug-
By: Ccep J. Dew
westcoasteditor@eXcapethematriX.com
I “suffer” from depression…but, I hate taking pills. I’ve never been diagnosed by a specialist, but a doctor never diagnosed my allergy to apples or cherries either. I found that out the hard way: by nearly suffocating.
And that’s how depression makes me feel…like I’m surrounded by pools and walls of darkness and I can’t breathe. Depression has always been hard for me because I can’t control it. It just sets in and ruins my day and all I can do is wait it out. It’s probably caused by some type of “chemical imbalance”, but I’ll never know because I refuse to take medication for it. I’m 21 now and I have my own anti-drug: The Arts.
I love baking because it’s therapy that I can share.
When life gets me down or depression otherwise sets in, I pick up a pen and I write. Sometimes, I create songs and poems about what I’m feeling. Other times, I just let my thoughts run away and create works I never could have imagined.
A few years back, my mother bought me a four-pack of Highlights® Hidden Picture books. At first, I enjoyed searching the picture for hidden pencils and baseball bat images. But, a lot of the pages were so detailed that I decided to color them and I realized that when I was sad or down, coloring always changed my mood.
I would spend hours with a book and my coloring pencils and as I filled the black and white picture with vibrant shades of blues and yellows, I thought. The more I put pencil to paper, the clearer my mind became and I could focus on what was bothering me or what had me feeling bad. By the end of the session, my problems would be solved and I’d feel so much better about life and myself.
For my 20th birthday, I ordered a new set of picture-find books.
I also dance in a style that has no name. Usually, R&B, gospel, or rock music inspires me to move in a way that expresses my emotions, but I’m getting into hip-hop now. I love to put on a cd or flip on my iPod and just freestyle as the music blasts through my room (or car!)
While other people drown their sorrows in alcohol or escape in drugs like ecstasy, I create art. I guess you could say my curse is my muse.
One of the best things for me to do when I’m feeling down is to bake. It’s like I stir and fold my negative 
feelings right into the dough and each cookie I shape releases the tension that I’m feeling. Recently, I was feeling so sad about my husband being on a naval ship that I spent about four hours baking. It started with peanut butter cookies and ended with chocolate chip and sugar cookies. The result: containers filled with goodies that I distributed to the staff at my two part-time jobs and one I left at Culture Shock Dance Center. The last one I kept at home. I love baking because it’s therapy that I can share.
I also sing…to myself…in the car…and in the shower. Whatever song feels good to me, which is usually something that I wrote like “Move Me”, something sassy that I can dance to like WordSlave’s “Record”, or something inspirational like Steph Jones’ “Mr. Ordinary” or Phoenix’s “Kismet”. I also draw…and crochet…and paint…and…I have grown to become fully immersed in The Arts as a form of expression.
While other people drown their sorrows in alcohol or escape in drugs like ecstasy, I create art. I guess you could say my curse is my muse.