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“I don’t have any regrets, never have never
will.” That was the answer my co-worker gave when asked by another
co-worker the question that we all encounter at some point in our
lives. We were sitting in Quizno’s about 2 blocks away from our office,
the spot we seemed to always choose for quick lunches in between the
hundreds of meetings we have each day. For some reason, our
conversations are strangely personal in nature though none of us
socialize with the others outside of the office. I must admit that I
know much more about these people then I would like to know. Anyway, as
we were sitting there discussing yet another problem within the marriage
of Monica and her ever unfaithful spouse, Barry interjects with a
question designed to relieve us of the boring agitation of her life, and
to give him an opportunity to release something that had been weighing
on his mind as well. “What is your biggest regret in life so far?”
Heads raise, eyes dart and mouths freeze mid-chew as we all
anticipate the interesting detour this conversation has certainly taken.
Each person takes a turn answering the question and commenting on the
answers of the other. Monica’s answer of course is “…getting married!”
Oh the sighs that filled the room. We wont let her turn this back around
to her own little soap opera. So, one of us quickly interjects,
recapturing the conversation before it goes awry. Each has taken a turn
offering up thoughts on regrets from money to religious choices, jobs
past and present, failed relationships, to credit woes. Finally, with
only two of us yet to answer, myself and Curtis, he begins. “I don’t
have any regrets, never have never will.” We all just looked at
him; waiting for what I was sure was going to be a load of bull. I mean
how could someone well into their 30’s have lived a life and had no
regrets. From our weekly lunch time conversations we were all well aware
of his recent divorce; his bankruptcy, his health issues and the
scandalous circumstances of his being passed up for a promotion. Hell as
far as I was concerned this man was the poster-child for having regrets.
Any way, Curtis went on to explain how it was that
regrets had not been a part of his life. Curtis was of the belief that
everything that had ever happened in his life was exactly what was
supposed to happen. It was the purposed course for his life. He
explained, for instance, that his brother had died two years ago. It was
devastating to his family to watch him succumb to the illness that took
his life. Curtis however, felt it was what God had purposed his family
to endure. According to Curtis had his brother not died when he did, he
would have probably taken the life of someone’s child. He was an
alcoholic, who more often then not had been arrested for drunk driving.
Curtis said his family had often feared that one day something tragic
would happen involving his brother. Prior to the death of his brother,
Curtis’s mother had been experiencing some issues that involved the
possible loss of her home of over 25 years. Ironically, she had taken
out a life insurance policy on her son 3 years prior and his death and
the payout from the policy allowed her to survive the financial issue
and eventually settle into a comfortable life in Miami. Curtis feels
that this was God’s plan for bringing his brother into his mother’s
life, so that she could one day enjoy her final days in a way that she
otherwise would not have. Curtis was suggesting his brother was supposed
to be an alcoholic and live the life he did in order for the rest of his
family to appreciate even the smallest blessings in life.
As with other areas of his life Curtis feels similarly. His marriage
ended because it was supposed to only last 6 years, long enough to
mature him, bring about the birth of his son, and give him the incentive
to apply for the job he currently has at our company. He didn’t get the
promotion because God did not have that as a part of his life plan.
Accordingly Curtis felt that he was sitting in that restaurant eating
with us at that very moment, because he wasn’t supposed to be somewhere
else. You are sitting here at this moment reading this article because
this is where God intended you to be, in order for you to continue on in
your life’s purpose.
Think about it. Curtis was suggesting that in reality none of us have
choices. We are in fact living in a Matrix where our lives are already
mapped out to finalize in a certain way. Sometimes we struggle in our
minds with what decision to make or not, when according to Curtis, we
will make the decision we are supposed to make anyway. There was really
no choice. Just really a matter of you and I making the adjustment in
our minds to relate and accept what our lives are unfolding into.
Curtis, could say he had no regrets, because he felt, he was living out
the life he was supposed to live and learning to live within that
reality. Whether he be rich or poor, famous or unknown, single or
happily committed, black or white. You can not regret the results of the
decisions you do not make. Now needless to say I had some serious
issues with Curtis’s line of thinking, but you had to at the least
consider it.
So now it was my turn. “So Ali, what is your biggest regret so far?” I
thought for a moment, and then answered. I don’t have any regrets.
Respectfully submitted
Ali Speaks
From Birth, through Life, ‘til Death