Art of Relating Advice Column – By DivaMystiq
Divamystiq@excapethematrix.com
Relationship- Pronunciation [ri-ley-shuh n-ship]–noun
1.
a connection, association, or involvement.
2.
connection between persons by blood or marriage.
3.
an emotional or other connection between people: the relationship
between teachers and students.
4.
A romantic or sexual involvement.
Welcome to The Art of Relating Advice Column. The advice in this column
comes from a holistic, mind; body and spirit approach. All readers in
the ETM community are welcome to submit questions needing advice to
Divamystiq@excapethematrix.com. NO TOPIC IS OFF LIMITS! While the advice
given represents but one opinion, mine, it is my goal for that one
opinion to offer food for thought instead of judgment and censure. I
will often refer to ghostwriters Liz or Alyson if there is a question
requiring more than one head. My belief is that the art of relating is
more about self-healing. In order for our relationships to be healthy,
we have to first be healthy ourselves. Writing this column also helps me
to heal along with you since it constantly challenges me to keep the
focus and attention on an individual solution especially for you, not
just the problem. Since we are all on this journey together whether
consciously or unconsciously, the key to truly escaping the matrix is
increasing our awareness [developing a plan of action] and the next key
is action. One of my most favorite quotes is by Albert Einstein that
says, “ Nothing changes until something moves”. My second fav is by the
great Gandhi, “ be the change you want to see”.
My co-worker has bad breath and yellowish-green teeth I hate looking at
him when he speaks to me. What should I do?
Try out the subtle method first - pull out a mint or a piece of
whitening gum for yourself whenever you are speaking to him and offer it
to him as well. Slowly, he should get the hint. Experiment with
different types of mints and gum - maybe he likes one over the other and
eventually he might start buying it for himself. If he doesn't, you can
progress to leaving him little gifts of mints and gum on his desk.
Enlist your other co-workers to help out and drop hints with you. Point
out at opportune times that coffee and soda stains your teeth. Start
brushing your teeth after lunch and make sure he sees you with your
tooth brush. Comment that good oral hygiene is something you look for in
a man (or woman). And if that doesn't work? Buy a gas mask.
What can I say to a friend who is asking me to cover for her when she's
doing something I feel is morally wrong?
You always have the option to say “No”. Although the truth can
ultimately be painful for you to articulate, it can generally be just as
liberating. If the truth for you is that you are uncomfortable, then a
real friend would respect your choice just as you're choosing to respect
theirs. No one is obligated to like another person’s decisions but
compromising the integrity of who you are is not something you should
feel obligated to do for anyone. Your friend is not obligated to like
your decision to not be involved in covering for her, but it will
definitely give her a blueprint for how to deal with you more
appropriately in the future. If she chooses to sever ties over this,
which one cannot anticipate, then try your best to remain open to
attracting another person who will respect who you are as you are.
What is the ideal time period before becoming intimate (kissing, huggin,
intercourse) with someone that I just started dating?
The best answer that I can give you is "when you're good and ready".
There's no prescribed time. If you're feeling it a day, a week, a month
in, then by all means, kiss 'em, love 'em, cuddle 'em, sex ‘em, and If
you're not feeling it, then don't. It is all up to you and the person
you are dating. If you're worried about "What people will think", STOP.
When it comes to love and relationships what matters is what YOU (and
your partner) feel, not your mother or your best friend or his buddies.
And don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
I will strongly advise you to make sure you are clear about this
person’s sexual history because this could save your life!
I'm dating a man that I really care about. The problem is that I HATE
the way he dresses! I'm almost embarrassed to be seen with him. I don't
want to be shallow but I don't want to be laughed at either! What can I
say to him without it seeming like I'm trying to change him?
The first thing to decide for yourself is what is more important to you,
the man or the clothes. If you choose the man, then I have to preface my
advice by saying that there is not much you can do about another
person’s choices. You can either accept them or accept that you cannot
accept them and move on. You could try the diplomatic approach and
suggest for him to let you pick out his attire from his current
collection when you are attending an event or engagement. You could also
ask him for help in picking out a gift for a male family member and ask
him for his help by taking him to a clothing store and use this
opportunity to pick up items in the store that you’d like to see him in.
Getting his opinion on your taste in clothes will give you a bit more
information about his taste and will gauge his tolerance for change. If
he likes your choices then it’s a matter of suggestion. If he doesn’t
seem to like anything you’ve picked up then you may have to resign to
accepting that he has no intention of changing his style in the near
future. The main thing if you want to keep the man is not to suggest
that you want to change him and things like cutting out fashion magazine
pictures or buying him clothes to suit your taste will only seem pushy.
Should you decide that the clothes are more important, be okay with that
and DO NOT refer to yourself as shallow! This is about YOU and if this
is something that is very, very important to you then there is no wrong
answer. It’s all relative. Just make sure you are prepared to end the
relationship with this man if this is an issue you are unable to get
around. Staying in this relationship may cause you to resent the man
because of his choices. You may have to resign to the fact that you have
differing priorities and choose to pursue a relationship where your
priorities are similar or more complimentary.