Abomination

Written by: MARKEZZACKUI

 

Somebody, somewhere,

Isn’t going to like what I have to say,

And that’s ok…

Because I can assure you that I wasn’t smiling when I wrote it

And had visions of what might happen to me after I spoke it,

Still this is my heart being quoted

 

So here I stand

ALL MAN

 

And unfortunately, I find that in certain arenas, I have to prove just how much of a man I am-

Because somewhere along the journey, I was said to be less than,

So I have to prove my worth

And claim my space here on this Earth

Because in the beginning

I didn’t know how to say that one of my brother’s friends was cute to me

And how I fantasized about all the freaky things I wanted him to do to me,

 

Because early on,

I was taught that I was wrong

 

It was pounded

Drilled

Taunted

 

-I felt haunted-

 

They called me an abomination

But at 8 years-old

I had no concept of the term

Still it made my ears burn

 

I didn’t know exactly where I was supposed to fit,

Because the word was in the Bible

And everybody was saying it.

Of all the sins committed,

How is mine elected

To be the worst?

Makes me want to grab my white-out and delete the verse

 

And before you offer me your opinon,

Let’s trade places,

Just for a day

 

And you’ll clearly see what it means to be gay

 

It means that I laugh

It means that I cry

It means I get hungry

And when I get sleepy,

I take a nap

 

I grew up on

 

Steady B

Heavy D

Biz Markie

KRS-ONE

And music like that

It means I like Italian food

Ribs and steak

And the occasional Mexican Dish…

Yet when I tell you that I am attracted to Latino Men,

You ain’t trying to hear that shit

 

All of a sudden I become lesser than you

For reasons I am not so clear about

I remember being told that I was disgusting to my face,

And that came straight from the preacher’s mouth

 

And I don’t see myself that way,

Faggot

Sissy

Or any of those names

 

And I refuse to wear such a label from you, you or you,

Or the mighty King James

 

Yeah

Somebody, somewhere

Isn’t going to like what I have to say

And that’s ok

Because I can assure you that I wasn’t smiling when I wrote it

And had visions of what might happen to me after I spoke it,

Still this is my heart being quoted…

 

And here I stand

ALL MAN

 

If I laid down like a doormat,

And let you walk all over me

Like I was unworthy

Low-life

And dirty

Like those terms you use

Disrespecting on the news

With those narrow-minded views

 

If I laid down like a doormat

As if my job was to collect the dirt form the bottom of your shoe

And be grateful that I at least got walked on

Because my whole life is apparently wrong

And the simple fact that someone would take the time

To pay me some sort of mind

By stepping on my mind

Stepping on my talent

Stepping on my purpose

Because

I

THE ABOMINATION

Am worthless

-so, let’s research this-

 

An abomination

Webster’s Dictionary says that’s an object of loathing

My question is

How could you loath me

And you really don’t even know me?

 

That’s contempt prior to investigation

And I admit that’s the primary source of my frustration

 

Because when you say and teach those things

Like we gays are despicable human beings

It stings

Like a bumble bee

And all I am trying to be

Is all that I can be

Interesting enough…

That makes you

Not too much different than me

 

Yet we seem to be divided

And I tend to get excited

 

Because to say I go against the nature of life

Is an outright lie

 

This is what it sounds like when a heart cries

 

I stand before you ACCEPTING myself

RESPECTING myself

REPRESENTING myself

REINVENTING myself

BEING myself

SEEING myself

FREEING myself

CREATING myself

ELEVATING myself

NOT cheating myself

Because I BELIEVE in myself

And I AGREE with myself

Placing NO ONE above myself

Because I LOVE myself

For the simple fact the very ESSENCE OF LIFE

Is to stay TRUE TO THYSELF

 

Somebody, somewhere

Isn’t going to like what I have to say

And that’s ok

Because I can assure that I wasn’t smiling when I wrote it

And had visions of what might happen to me after I spoke it

Still

This is my heart being quoted

 

And here I stand

ALL MAN

And the question at hand

The one thing I could never understand

Is

HOW THE FUCK

Am I an abomination

To THAT

Which created ME

EXACTLY the way that I am…

 

Ya understand me … this ain’t no accident

 

Photo by: Linaji

 

 

 

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