TRANSitioning to Truth:
The GraythePoet Interview
Part I

Written by: Liberator
Photography by: Quill Wordsmith, Marsalis Images

 

Post-snow blizzard in the rebellious streets of Baltimore City, I had the chance of linking up with Zyon Gray, also known as GraythePoet, at Baltimore’s prime vegan hot spot, The Yabba Pot. There we conversed about everything from holidays to our favorite poetry venues. After engaging in a steaming hot plate of a Yabba Pot delectable, I told Gray how much I thought his story needed to be heard and how it had the strong possibility of changing a lot of hearts and minds. He replied, “I agree, but I do think that some people in the poetry scene might not agree with my standpoint and this could possibly bring some hatred.” After we shared a quick moment of silence followed by a mutual shoulder shrug implying “who cares”, we began the quest towards enlightenment…

 

Liberator: So, before we really dive into anything, for our readers, do you consider yourself transsexual or transgender and what is the difference between the two?

Zyon: Well, I consider myself to be transgender. Transsexual is an older term used by psychologists in an earlier time period. I honestly believe there is only a difference between homosexuals and transgendered.

 

Liberator: Okay, so when did you first realize in your life that this is something that you wanted to do?

Zyon: Well, I don’t believe that this is something that I am doing; I believe that this is something that I am. The first time I knew there was something different about me was Halloween at the age of 6. My mother asked me what I wanted to be this year. Instead of me saying something wild or crazy, I told her that I wanted to be a boy.

 

Liberator: Wow! Are you serious? How did she take that?

Zyon: She cried! She just started crying. She still tells me this story today and she told me she started crying because she couldn’t understand why I wanted to do that or what went wrong at that young age.

 

Liberator: So, why now? Why decide to go through with the transition at this time in your life?

Zyon: I think because I’ve been killing myself lately. I have been doing a lot of well-needed soul searching and I need to be who I truly am. At this point, if I don’t follow the path that I know I need to be on, I am not going to be able to perform the way I want to as an artist. And not just in spoken word, but in every aspect of my life.

 

Liberator: Right. I can definitely understand that. However, to my knowledge, you used to identify yourself as a lesbian, correct?

Zyon: Right.

 

Liberator: So, I assume you still plan on dating women?

Zyon: [laughs] Right.

 

“I don’t deny that I was born a woman biologically, but I don’t really know what it is like to be a woman. So, technically I can not understand or appreciate what it’s like to be a woman. Yes, I’ve had periods, I know what
it’s like to be emotional, and I’ve put myself on a pedestal as a goddess before. But, I’m not that person. I’m not
that being. I’ve been masculine since one. Trust me, having a penis does not make you man…”

 

Liberator: So, what will be the biggest changes emotionally and socially now as you go into your transition as far as relationships?

Zyon: Well, I dated lesbians because I was used to dating lesbians. The biggest thing that always sparked me mentally is when I meet [heterosexual] women now whom are attracted to me, I feel like I am lying to her if I don’t tell her that I am transgender. It’s like I have an immediate stamp on my forehead by not telling her. Like, how that does even sound or come out? Yeah, I’m falling in love with this person and you think you know this person and you’re feeling this person, but then it’s, “Hey, by the way, I’m transgender.” I don’t want to be that person.

 

Liberator: I can definitely see where you’re coming from. But, have you dealt with that speech yet?

Zyon: I haven’t. I think it’s because I am coming out in the poetry scene, so people already know the gist of what’s going on.

 

Liberator: Okay. You’ve been video blogging about your process. Why?

Zyon: I decided to do the video blogging on YouTube to broadcast my transition because I can write blogs all day and hide behind my computer. It’s so many males today in society that were not born males that chose never to tell that they were a female. People don’t even know that they are interacting with transgender everyday. I don’t want to be that person. Telling my story defines where my strength comes from. I would not have known the altitude of my knowledge and strength that I have now if I was not a woman.

 

Liberator: That’s a beautiful thing. So, this is the part I was always confused about. I thought if one decided to be transgender, you then went to the doctor’s office, told them you wanted to be transgender, sign some paperwork, and then pick a surgery date.

Zyon: [laughs] No. That’s not how it works at all. You actually have to go through about a year of therapy. Your doctor or therapist has to be convinced that this is something that you really want to do. Any ol’ John Doe can’t walk in and say, “I woke up this morning and this is what I want today.” After extensive therapy, your doctor will then tell you if they think gender reassignment is for you. Because, let’s be honest, some people are just gender curious.

 

Liberator: So, what’s next in the process?

Zyon: Next thing, the doctor will start you up on hormone [shots or pills]. Testosterone is a very potent drug. One shot is like an adrenaline rush. After every shot, I get really hype. It’s like I’m a mischievous fifteen year-old little boy just wanting to get involved in everything. So, they just don’t want to give that to just anyone. I started out with .5 milliliters being injected into my thigh and now I’m at 1 milliliter every week. The average woman’s testosterone level is between three and five. For a male it is anywhere above five. When I did my first blood test, my testosterone level was already at four. I mean, it’s not an overnight thing. It’s definitely a process.

 

“The first time I knew there was something different about me was Halloween at the age of 6. My mother asked
me what I wanted to be this year. Instead of me saying something wild or crazy, I told her that I wanted to be a boy…”

 

Liberator: You keep talking about these shots? I’ve heard you on your video blogs on YouTube talk about the shots, too? What exactly are they?

Zyon: They are called Testosterone Cypionate.

 

Liberator: What’s that?

Zyon: Testosterone Cypionate is a thick serum injected into your muscles. Over time, it goes through your body to make you feel as if you are a biological male. The shots are artificial, though. There are no natural testosterone shots that anyone could put into themselves. However, it does help me get to where I want to be.

 

Liberator: Is it costly?

Zyon: Man, if you don’t have insurance you are going to be very unhappy. Thank God I have insurance or I would be paying fifty dollars per shot. Another costly thing is the binders that I wear.

 

Liberator: And what are they?

Zyon: They are a spandex material that you put on your upper body to make your chest appear completely flat for pre-op transgender. They can run you up to fifty dollars.

 

Liberator: Woah! This is quite a process. Shots? Binders? I’m sure this can’t be for everybody.

Zyon: True. There is a lot of younger lesbian women who will go to the doctor’s office and get boosters just to grow some facial hair because they think woman are attracted to that masculine energy. Then, they try to take this masculine energy that they don’t really have to use it to their advantage when it is really hurting them. I don’t deny that I was born a woman biologically, but I don’t really know what it is like to be a woman. So, technically I can not understand or appreciate what it’s like to be a woman. Yes, I’ve had periods, I know what it’s like to be emotional, and I’ve put myself on a pedestal as a goddess before. But, I’m not that person. I’m not that being. I’ve been masculine since one. Trust me, having a penis does not make you man.

 

Liberator: I agree. What physical changes have you noticed so far?

Zyon: Everything. The first changes were my voice and that was what I was afraid of. And it was the first thing to change immediately. As an artist, people want me to do tracks and do hooks, so they might not be used to the new voice. Plus, I was talking to my mother on the phone one day and my voice was just cracking and cracking!

 

Liberator: Wow! Does she notice?

Zyon: Well, I tried to disguise my voice, but it sounds terrible. So, I don’t even try it anymore.

 

Liberator: Any other changes?

Zyon: Um, hair. Hair is everywhere. Another change is my thought process. It’s definitely shifted. I don’t want to blame the testosterone; I want to blame my confidence. Little things that I used to worry about before as a woman I don’t worry about anymore.

 

Liberator: Are you happy with the changes thus far?

Zyon: If I could speed it up, I would love to. My original intentions were just to disappear for like ten years and then just come back as a different person, with a different body, and different stage name and different everything. People would be like, “Oh, my God. Who is this guy?” [laughs] But, I just decided to stay.

 

Liberator: What changes are you looking forward to the most?

Zyon: I am looking forward to a bilateral mastectomy which is also known as a “top surgery”. I believe my breasts are the biggest indication and physical handicap that give me away and cause my dysphoria. Most biologically born women see their breasts as a strong symbolism of their womanhood and that’s why I feel for all women who have breast cancer and they are removed undesirably. I know they feel like someone stripped them of their womanhood. So, as a trans man—as a man in general. Forget the trans!—As a man, I feel like I am living as though somebody has stripped me of what I am biologically. It kills my spirits just having breasts, so I can only imagine what it’s like for a woman who embraces and appreciates them.

 

Liberator: What about the social changes? What are you looking for there?

Zyon: I still want to be Gray. I don’t want people to label me. Poetically speaking, I want things to be as if I fell out of the sky as Gray the man. I’m looking forward to maintaining my humility and growth. I just want to keep furthering my artistry. In the poetry scene, I just still really want to be respected…

 

***Please tune in next month to hear the rest of Zyon “GraythePoet” Gray’s uplifting story of his transition. Next month, you will be able to read how his mother is taking the process, the vast changes in his social life, and the anticipated upcoming poetic works he has in store for the world. If you can’t wait, visit www.YouTube.com/ZyonisFTM. Also check out his website www.thegrayexperience.com for poetic updates. Facebook junkie? No problem. Type in “Zyon Gray” in your Facebook search engine. Want to talk to him in person? Got that covered, too. Sit in at his open mic spot, Motion Mondaze on 1313 Pratt Street, Baltimore, MD 21218. Peace.

 

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